James 5:16
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
One evening my 7-year-old son, Elisha, and I were talking and he started asking questions, as a 7-year-old does. He asked about money and how I get it to pay for things. (He’s especially interested in how to get money to buy an Xbox 360.) I thought to myself, “How do I describe psychotherapy, consulting, and leadership coaching to a 7-year-old?
“Well, Elisha, people pay me to talk with them about problems they have.” He started laughing. I thought, “Why is he laughing?” Between giggles he said, “People pay you (giggle, giggle) to talk to you?”
“Yes.”
“Bahahah!”
If you’ve ever heard my son laugh, then you know that Elisha’s laughter is contagious. I found myself laughing for a long time, but it did also cause me to pause and reflect on what it is that I do and why it is helpful for others. I reflected on the power of healing that occurs when we share with another person our pains, hurts, struggles, and sins. Our natural tendency is to hide our failures, sins, and weaknesses from others. This human habit dates all the way back to creation, when we see in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve’s gut response after their sinful choices. In their reaction, we see modeled the normal path with sin even still today – I sin, I hide, and if that fails, I blame everyone around me, including God. See what Adams says? “The woman you gave me….”; note how Eve responds, “The serpent deceived me…” Like our ancestors, we are all too good at hiding and blaming others for our failures.
For me, a sin that frequently creeps into my life is harshness with my children, especially in the morning when we are behind schedule (which is basically every morning). When I fail to confess this sin to others, the sin grows like cancer. It happens subtly, quietly, but undeniably. See, I’m not only harsh in the morning when we are running late, but then in the evening when chores aren’t happening as fast as I think they should. The harshness spills out everywhere – I’m thinking and saying harsh things to the drivers on the road, to the people in front of me at Starbucks who can’t figure out what they want, to a co-worker who wants to talk when I’m trying to accomplish something. A false belief takes root in my heart: I’m good, they are bad, they are the problem.
When I finally confess my sin to another, things begin to change. As I confess, the truth surfaces and changes me: I’m not all good, others aren’t all bad, we are all human. Confession connects me to my humanity and my need for God and others. Confession frees me and it also paves the way for others to join me in the process. Then we can all reiterate the truth: I have a problem; I can’t solve it on my own. I need you and I need God.
Confession is intimate; it connects me to others as they see the good, the bad, and the ugly in me.
On the flip side, when I fail to confess it not only destroys me but it infects my community. I send out destructive unspoken messages: “I’m okay and you should be fine, too. You can’t have marital problems, difficulties parenting, or struggle with addiction here. All that messy sin and brokenness doesn’t belong in our community, our church: take that junk somewhere else! This place is for people who have it all together.”
The gospel gets subverted and churches look more like country clubs then communities of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5:18). When I fail to practice confession, it fertilizes the ground for scandals in the church, especially for our leaders. People feel the pressure to hide, to deceive. However, when I confess my sins, I unleash the power of God in my life and the life of my community. I send out a powerfully healing message to my community: “I’m not okay and you don’t have to be okay either. Being a sinner doesn’t disqualify you from our community, from this church, from my friendship.” Through confession we see how much we are alike; we are all broken and struggling with life. Confession promotes living in the truth, for you and for those to whom you confess. If you don’t have those people in your life now, find them. Open yourself up and let others in your life, for the sake of your soul and theirs.
My favorite thing about the Ultimate Leadership Conference is getting to watch this unfold in groups. People enter the week heavy laden and through the process of confession, burdens are lifted. Group members look visibly different after receiving grace for that which they felt so much shame and pain over.
And like Elisha’s laughter, the freedom and unity that comes with confession is contagious. Practice it and you’ll see just what I mean.