According to Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, people generally fall into one of two
groups: those who take responsibility for their lives and those who don’t. That is the
central theme of It’s Not My Fault.
The doctors assert, with confidence drawn from both research and experience, that the
information and guidance in this book will empower readers to transform not only the areas
where they feel stuck and want to move forward, but even seemingly hopeless situations. The
“No-Excuse Plan” presented in the book has been proven to work throughout history and
continues to change lives.
The authors contend that many people trap themselves in a “fault” mindset. Even when
something isn’t their fault, by thinking “It’s not my fault,” they may give up responsibility, stop
thinking for themselves, and remain stuck.
They argue that, to make progress, we must learn to think differently—not by denying hurt or
injustice, but by shifting how we think about our role, our responses, our options, and our future.
The change is from “I can’t because of…” to “Given what I can control, here’s how I respond.”
Distorted Thinking Patterns
The chapter outlines some of the major ways our mind distorts reality.
Distorted Thinking Statement No. One: I’ve tried everything
I’ve tried everything and nothing works. Often, that isn’t accurate. The individual may have tried
the same thing over and over or tired one or two different solutions, but they give in to feelings
of powerlessness.
Distorted Thinking Statement No, Two: I can’t
I can’t thinking is the opposite of can do thinking. It’s literally a belief you can’t do it.. In this
mentality, people feel unable to make a move to better the situation or reach their goal
Distorted Thinking Practices tends to fall into these categories: passive language, negative
thinking and defensive thinking.
The authors point out that faulty thinking patterns often include:
Believing you have no choice
Assuming your past completely determines your future
Thinking only in terms of problems rather than solutions
Remaining stuck in victim mode
The authors outline different types of Distorted Thinking and a structured way to make this
mental shift, showing how to transform blaming or passive thoughts into active, responsible
thinking
To counter these patterns, the chapter proposes a framework of four mental steps (or “shifts”)
that help you reframe your thinking and begin making different choices.
The Four Steps (or Shifts) to Learning to Better Thinking Differently
While this may not replicate the book’s exact wording, here is a reconstructed summary of the
four steps based on the chapter’s theme:
Step One Step – Commit Yourself to Reality
Summary: Reality may not be pleasant, but no problem was ever solved, not goal ever reached
without looking at the situation squarely with no editing. Accepting reality is like a reset button.
It gives you a fresh start. You will ask yourself, What is real and true here? What is my thinking
missing that I need to know? Commit yourself to seeing the real situation for what it is.
Including what you can do about it.
Step Two – Become a Humble Person
Summary: Humility is a trait of greatness. Humility is the ability to see yourself and your
situation clearly, for good or bad. Humble people want to get to the heart of the matter. Be
humble enough to allow the possibility that you can do better, then act on that possibility.
Step Three – Be a Self-Observer
Summary: Develop the ability to be a self-observer. Dr. Howard Hendricks said, “Be a student
of yourself.” That is a trait of successful people, they achieve success because they are able to
confront the truth about themselves and get over their inaccurate and unhelpful thinking patterns.
Step Four – Forgive
Summary: Forgiving allows you to release negative baggage. This step has great power to help
us think more clearly. Unforgiveness clouds our minds with thoughts of victimization,
powerlessness, punishment, unfairness, and retribution. Unforgiveness gets in the way of being objective about our situation. Forgiveness allows our minds to once again be clear to think about
hope, action, dreams and goals.
Step Five – Create & Write Down the Good Slogans
Summary: Your mind has been coming up with excuses to keep you from owning your future,
and it has probably been doing so for a long time. As you become more self-aware start replacing
old thoughts with new slogans to counter the bad ones. Here are a few examples of good slogans.
No more I can’t excuses. I can and I will.
When I fail, I will learn from it and move on.
I am the only person who can own my dreams and I choose to own them.
Blame will not get me where I want to go.
You can own your own thoughts and think differently. Take charge of it.
This blog focuses on a portion of Chapter 2 of It’s Not My Fault by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr.
John. This is a condensed overview and not intended to replace the book.
November 2025