Relationships are challenging. Can I get an amen? At least they have been for me.
For much of my life, I tended to react quickly—often without taking time to think or pray
through what was happening. I was also pretty confident that my take on a situation was the right
one. As you can imagine, that combination led to plenty of ruptures in my relationships.
Over time, a pattern became clear: my way of doing life wasn’t helping my relationships thrive.
Something wasn’t working.
When Being Right Costs Too Much
At some point, a sobering question settled into my heart:
What good is it being right if no one wants to stay in relationship with you?
I began to realize that being “right” was often costing me the very thing I claimed to
value—connection. That realization marked a turning point. Something needed to change, and by
God’s grace, I began to believe that I could change.
That belief didn’t make the work easy, but it made it possible.
Learning to See My Blind Spots
One of the first steps was learning to ask for feedback. Ouch.
It was often painful, but also incredibly enlightening. Scripture tells us that “the way of a fool
seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” Without feedback, I don’t think we can see
ourselves clearly. We all have blind spots, and mine were affecting my relationships more than I
wanted to admit.
Change has been slow and intentional, but the fruit has been well worth the effort
Responding Instead of Reacting
One of the biggest areas God has worked on in me is learning to respond rather than react.
I often hear people say that during difficult interactions they freeze and later think of all the
things they wish they had said. I sometimes wish that were my problem. For me, I usually wish I
hadn’t said what I did say. You can’t un-ring a bell or take back words spoken carelessly or in
haste.
Scripture reminds us that “the tongue has the power of life and death,” and I’ve experienced
both sides of that truth.
Of course, when I hurt someone unintentionally, I can—and should—apologize. But it’s far
better not to have to go down that road at all.
Learning to Pause and Invite God In
So, I began practicing something new: pausing.
Before opening my mouth, I try to slow myself down long enough to ask a few honest questions:
- Is what I’m about to say going to bring life or harm to this person or situation?
- Am I using a soft start-up, marked by gentleness rather than defensiveness?
- Am I genuinely curious about their perspective, or am I just preparing my rebuttal?
- Is my goal to win—or to love well and stay in relationship? Often, we can’t have both.
Learning to respond instead of react has been a lifelong process of spiritual formation and
personal growth. Rewiring habits—both mental and emotional—is hard work. Even when I
remind myself of all these things, I often find myself on autopilot, doing exactly what I told
myself I wouldn’t do.
That’s when grace becomes not just a concept, but a necessity.
The Struggle to Stop Giving Advice
Another area where God continues to work on me is my love of giving advice.
I love giving advice. I always have. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that advice isn’t always
welcome, even when it’s wise or well-intended. Offering it when someone isn’t ready—or hasn’t
asked—can create distance rather than connection.
Scripture encourages us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak,” and I am still learning this truth.
A Humbling Lunch Date
Recently, I went to lunch with a new friend. She was walking through a painful and complicated
situation with a family member, and I knew I could offer some helpful insight.
But I wanted to practice restraint .
Before she arrived, I reminded myself not to give advice unless she asks. Just listen.
I had myself fully psyched up to exhibit self-control.
We had not been at lunch for five minutes when I was giving her all kinds of “helpful” advice
she hadn’t asked for.
I stopped mid-sentence, laughed, and confessed that I had come in with the clear intention of not
giving advice—and I hadn’t even made it five minutes. We both laughed, but I was still struck by
how difficult this change was going to be. My mind and habits weren’t quickly adapting to a new
way of being.
Grace, Growth, and Staying in Relationship
That moment reminded me of something I keep learning: transformation is rarely instant.
Growth in healthy relationships is usually slow, uneven, and deeply dependent on grace. It
requires humility, self-awareness, and a willingness to keep surrendering our instincts to
God—again and again.
I am still learning. Still practicing. Still failing and beginning again. And I’m discovering that
staying in relationship—with others and with God—often matters far more than being right
Reflection Questions
- When conflict arises in my relationships, do I tend to react quickly or pause and respond thoughtfully? What usually triggers my reactions?
2. Can I think of a time when being right mattered more to me than staying in relationship? What was the cost of that choice?
3. How open am I to receiving feedback from others? Are there people I trust to lovingly point out my blind spots?
4. When I’m in a difficult conversation, which question do I most need to remember to ask myself?
- Is what I’m about to say helpful or harmful?
- Am I genuinely curious about the other person’s perspective?
- Is my goal to win—or to love well?
5. In what ways do I struggle with unsolicited advice? How might listening more deeply reflect love in my relationships?
6. Where do I notice the need to slow down, surrender control, or practice restraint in my communication?
7. What would it look like for me to extend grace to myself as I grow—especially when change feels slow or uneven?
Maureen Price, Executive Director
February 2026